An Erotic Wish List – How to Communicate What You Want

Most couples do not talk about what they want because they cannot find the way in – not because they have nothing to say. A wish list solves exactly that: it moves the awkward part from the conversation onto paper, and “I want” turns into “it says here”.

📝 Why a list works better than a conversation

• No eye contact needed. That lowers the barrier considerably.
• Both answer at the same time. Nobody has to go first and expose themselves.
• The no becomes visible too. Limits get recorded just like wants – which makes it safer.
• You only discuss the matches. Whatever only one of you ticked need not be debated.
• It can be repeated. Wants change – filling it in once a year shows more than any conversation.

If you want to fill the list with something right away: ready-made value sets.

🚦 The traffic-light method

Rate every point with one of three colours:

• Green – I want this, ideally soon.
• Amber – I could imagine it, under conditions. This is where the interesting things happen.
• Red – out of the question. Not debated, not talked around, not revisited “later”.

The most important rule: only what is green or amber for both of you comes up at all. A red from one side ends the point – with no obligation to justify it. The D/s guide uses the same system, with more background.

📋 What belongs on the list

Do not start with the most spectacular points. A workable list has five areas:

1. Setting. Places, times of day, with or without light, duration. The most harmless part – and the one that changes the most.
2. Touch. What I like, where, how firmly, what I do not like. Remarkably many couples do not know this about each other.
3. Practices. What you do, what you would do more often, what you have never tried.
4. Toys and accessories. Get concrete – categories rather than product names are enough.
5. Roles and fantasies. The area that takes the most nerve and surprises most often.

If the words fail you: the sex toy glossary and the abbreviations list supply terms to tick.

🤝 How to go about it

1. Fill it in separately. Each alone, without time pressure, without the other watching.
2. Leave it for a few days. The first impulse is not always the most honest.
3. Compare only the matches. Take on what is green for both – then talk about the amber-amber points.
4. Do not act on it the same evening. Otherwise the list turns into a to-do list.
5. Pick one point. One. Not three.
6. Review briefly afterwards. Did it deliver? That decides what comes next.

How to hold those conversations without them tipping over is in communication in bed; where wants come from at all is in the post on sexual preferences.

⚠️ What ruins the list

• Negotiating over a red. The fastest way to destroy trust in the method.
• Taking offence. A want you do not share is not a criticism of you.
• Everything at once. Ten green points are a year's programme, not a weekend.
• Keeping score. “I did your point, now it is your turn” turns it into a trade.
• Never touching the list again. Once a year afresh – otherwise it goes stale.

🎯 How to act on the first points

What the list says	Suitable product
“We should talk more”	Erotic Play Value Set
“More time, less goal”	Massage Value Set with Candle
“Try being tied up”	Bondage Value Set for Beginners
“More clitoral stimulation”	Air Pulse Value Set
“Finally get a toy”	Slim Vibe Value Set
“We need lubricant”	Lubricant and Toy Cleaner Value Set

❓ Frequently asked questions

What if we have hardly any overlap?

That is normal and not a bad sign. Look at the amber-amber points – there is usually more there than the green ones suggest.

Do I have to justify everything?

No. A red needs no explanation. Pressing for one breaks the method.

What if my partner will not join in?

Then fill in yours alone and share one or two points from it. Sometimes the start is easier when only one goes first.

How often should you do this?

Once a year is enough. After bigger changes – a child, a move, an illness – sooner is worth it.

What if a want alarms me?

Let it settle first, then talk. A want is a fantasy, not an announcement – and few people want all of it for real.

Are there ready-made lists?

There are plenty of templates online. Home-made ones usually work better because they use your language – or take an erotic game as the scaffolding.

✅ Conclusion

Fill it in separately, leave it a few days, discuss only the matches, pick one point. Red is not negotiated, amber is the most interesting territory, and the list gets renewed once a year. It is unspectacular – and it changes more for most couples than any toy. What you need afterwards is among the value sets.

🛍️ Discover matching products:

• Erotic Play Value Set as a way into the conversation
• Massage Value Set with Candle
• Bondage Value Set for Beginners
• Air Pulse Value Set
• Slim Vibe Value Set
• All value sets

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